The World Ends Tomorrow

Since the last apocalypse in 2012 didn’t quite work out, we’ve had to put our minds together to find the TRUE doomsday. Some now believe that a secret planet called “Nibiru” will cross paths with Earth, leaving us either dead or in a state of mass devastation.

Origin:

Talk of Nibiru began when Nancy Lieder, a Wisconsin woman, claimed aliens called “Zetas” contacted her as a girl. She claims they implanted a communications device in her brain and since then, she spoke on their behalf. During the anticipation of Hale-Bopp’s 1997’s perihelion (a comet who got really close and was super bright), she told the public that the “comet does not exist. It is a fraud.” But then, the comet turned out to be real and she changed her stance. She said it was merely a tactic to divert the public from their oncoming demise.

She said the planet was 4 times larger than Earth and would come closest on May, 27, 2003. Supposedly, the proximity of the planet would cause Earth to stop rotating for nearly 6 days. To make things even better, she claimed it would also result in a physical polar shift. As in, the poles physically moving, not a geomagnetic reversal, which is when the poles switch places. These take place around every 450,000 years and takes a between 1,000 and 10,000 years to complete. She theorized that the polar shift would disrupt Earth’s magnetic core and basically, the crust would just be torn right out due to the magnetism of Nibiru.

So, as 2003 approached, Lieder encouraged people to euthanize their pets to spare them from suffering the catastrophic event. Needless to say, the date came and went, leaving some relieved and other nihilists disappointed. Rest assured, the nihilists have not given up.

Lieder claimed that it was all a “white lie … to fool the establishment.” The establishment she is referring to is a bunch of people holding positions of power, all secretly plotting the demise of the world. She went on to say that Nibiru will come, but she will not reveal the true date, because to do so would result in the establishment having enough time to put everyone in a death trap. She never revealed a new doomsdate, but others picked up the slack for her. The new date was set for December 21st, 2012. Ring a bell? It was associated with the ending of the Mayan calendar.

Unfortunately, they were wrong. Again.

Now:

But humanity keeps hope. We may have another chance to die on September 23rd, 2017! Tomorrow! We owe this one to David Meade, who has seen the obvious and shared with us lesser beings. He made the connection between the number 33, which is recurrent in the bible, and the solar eclipse from August. The date he found is 33 days after the harbinger of doom, AKA the solar eclipse. Thank him for this opportunity to die.

 

Update: We didn’t die.

Diana Padilla

das Leben ist kein Ponyhof.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>