Previously on The Pottyarchy, NaCl and Doug get together to plan their counterattack against Janice. Doug is filled with disappointment when NaCl opposes his plan to she doesn’t ask her mother for help. Now Janice is preparing to be a plumber for the pottyarchy.
Janice took her last drink for the night and made her way down to the main kitchen. Her combat boots, silent, hit the floor as she gracefully walked out of the house. Doug’s father would be back in two weeks and she wanted to have her campaign up and going before he returned.
At first Janice had been happily married with Doug’s father, but as time progressed he became cold, distant and controlling. When he was around, Janice was not allowed to leave the house unless it was work related, she was not allowed to talk to anyone, including Doug. That was why Doug had been bathing in lakes and defecating in park bathrooms. It was not her doing; it was his.
Things had gone rotten after the first year, that’s when her affair with Barbara began. She had given Janice hope to keep going, thus whenever Janice discovered that Barbara had been using her for her bathrooms, she not only lost Barbra, but she lost all hope. Janice had not only opened up to Barbara, but she had given her everything, risked it all for her. That’s why she had to be brought down; that was the reason behind her dream-crushing plan.
While dating Barbara, Janice had noticed how much Barbara cared about bringing the pottyarchy down, so when Barbara revealed her true intentions, Janice knew immediately how to make her suffer.
Janice climbed into her car, stepping on the gas, in order to get to town where her revenge awaited her.
She parked her car right next to the spot where Barbara had her thrown over the fence. It marked the moment where she realized it was truly over.
She stepped out of her car, careful not to step on any of the remains of her organs she had dropped, and walked toward the stage where Barbara was answering questions from fans.
“Ms. Sandy, what plans do you have for the country?” a reporter with a huge grin asked.
Janice, unseen, rushed onto the stage, “Barbara, don’t bother answering,” she said. “None of your plans are half as good as any of mine. Step off the stage, please.”
The crowd gasped. People looked left and right in confusion; nobody knew if this was genuine or planned. Janice walked up to the microphone stand and picked it up. Everyone instantly went silent, clearly understanding that she wasn’t exactly the kind of person you would want to mess with.
“My name is Janice Dogger and I am not going to promise the same things the rest of the candidates have, and I know there are those of you who will agree with me, even if you already had your heart set on another candidate,” she spoke into the microphone, her voice echoing in the silence. “You will all see that my plans are more worthy than theirs. Especially Ms. Sandy’s.”
“She’ll come around,” Doug said to the dead squirrel he found on the road that he was stroking gently. He had always loved animals. “She just needs some time to realize that this is something that is bigger than ourselves-” he paused. “We don’t have any time. I need to find her and convince her now before it’s too late.”
Doug got up and prepared to run to the nearest street when he realized he was already in the middle of the road. He put the squirrel in his pocket and flagged down a taxi.
“Where ye’ wanna go, sonny?” the looked back at him and gave him an toothless grin.
“Drop me off at PetSmart, please.”
The taxi screeched to a stop and Doug reached into his pocket to find something to pay this kind man with.
“Um,” he said nervously. “Oh, here it is!” He handed the driver his dead squirrel.
He sniffed the squirrel’s cold, rotting corpse. “This will do just fine,” he said as he took a deep wiff of it. “I been waiting too long for one of these.”
Doug stepped out of the car and into the cold, LED illuminated, empty Petsmart. He knew exactly what he came here to buy. He rushed to the toy section and picked an orange rubber toy that was in the shape of a bone. He ran his fingers over the ridged surface of the toy and felt a surge of happiness run through his body.
The darkness pooled around her bed, there was no visible light other than the moon. She stirred in her sleep, awaking to the increasing sound of rocks being rattling against her window. NaCl was about to get up and open the door but Doug came crashing through the window before her feet even had the chance to touch the floor.
“Hey,” he said through ragged breaths.
“Hey?!” she yelled. “You just crashed through my window and all you say is ‘hey’? You better have a good reason to be here, Doug.”
He held her by the wrists and looked into cat-like her eyes, “Nancy Claire, I brought you something.” He reached into his satchel and pulled out the toy he had just recently purchased. It cost him a whole month’s worth of garbage. He’d been secretly stashing it so that he could one day have enough to swim in.
“Que es esto?” she asked as her eyes searched him for any indication of what this meant.
“This is my favorite toy. A new one, of course,” he explained. “It’s something that made me happy before I met you. I wanted you to have one too.”
Her eyes watered and her emotional hardening against him began to thaw.
“This is the best thing I have ever received,” she said in a thankful, quavering voice. “Wait, how do you know where I live?”
Doug laughed. “Really, NaCl? I’ve been following you around for like three years now.”
She blushed. “Likewise,” she admitted.
People were beginning to gather around the stage Janice was standing on. It pleased her to get the attention she wanted. The crowd, with desperate eyes, looked at her waiting for her command. Janice then understood that the american public was a herd of sheeps waiting to be pushed and pulled in a certain direction; she then understood how brainless and powerless.
“I believe that the pottyarchy should remain, with some modifications, of course” she began to inject her poisonous words into the crowd. “I’m going to just be honest here, because I believe that the American public deserves sincerity, it is a bit absurd to destroy the pottyarchy. I mean, really, think about it, the 1% pay the most taxes so it’s only fair that they get bathrooms. If the pottyarchy is brought down the common people’s’ taxes will increase dramatically; leading to inflation. Food will cost more, clothes will cost more, houses, cars, technology, all will cost more – is that what we really want?”
The crowd looked around seeking for someone to oppose or contradict Janice – prove her wrong – but no one did. No one expect a small kid with a small voice who asked, “But I want a bathroom too.” It was a little girl who was beginning to cry.
Janice had a flashback of Doug when he was young, saying the exact same words.
She could not let herself waver; she knew that even the smallest sign of insecurity in front of a crowd could turn the group of people into a mob. “Sweety, I can’t allow that,” she directed her response to the entire crowd. “It’s not realistic to hope for everyone to get a bathroom, but we can give every community a big community bathroom.”
The crowd smiled and cheered and Janice knew she had won them over.
“The pottyarchy will continue for the sake of the American public!” she yelled as her fist went in the air. “Vote me into the White House and I promise to make America great again, by giving everyone bathrooms, by upholding the system that keeps this country stable: the Pottyarchy.”
The crowd erupted in cheers and applause, Barbara knew that she had lost ground, but she also knew that she had to gain it back. She could not – would not – let Janice into the White House.